What to do when your parent plays favorites? Financially or otherwise? My mother shows favoritism, and I’ve decided to hate.
Growing up seemed rather ordinary, same as almost everyone else. Considering that you don’t always know everything about a family. It seemed like my mother always babied my sister, who is nine years younger than me. It was sorta a joke, with mom reminding her of things like her homework, or always having milk for her cereal.
But the seriousness of this didn’t come to a head until a year ago. When there was no longer any doubt that I am not really loved or cared for or noticed, and that my sister is the pampered, yet lazy, one.
when parents play favorites – you’d be a better parent, dead
I recall that we weren’t rich, and I often had holes in the ass of my pants, and I never got the coat or pants I wanted. I remember once just leaving the store because she wanted to buy me the absolutely cheapest jeans.
Meanwhile, I see that my sister has expensive $200 runners! I ask my mom about this and she says that because my sister was into sports, she wore her shoes out so fast. Hmmm.
I remember when my mom took me shopping once, I got new pants, underwear and even a purse. Wow. When I talked to my friends, they said it was probably because my jeans had holes in the ass and we had a day off school and surprised my mom at work. I guess I had embarrassed her with my hole-filled jeans. I should have known.
My sister and I shared a bedroom, that was too small, so she hires a guy who made the cheapest plywood walled bedroom ever, and not even including the existing window.
A few years later, my mom lends me a few thousand for buy a used mobile home for me and my daughter. We had a payment plan and I paid her every cent.
Fast forward about ten years, and my dad has passed away. At this point, I am so broke, a single mom with three kids now, and self employed but not really succeeding, and I don’t even have the money to get the 400 miles away to attend to funeral arrangements and services. I talk to my sister, we decide that mom will lend me the money and our dad will pay her back. We figured that my sister knew his pass-codes and we knew he wouldn’t mind. We talk to the lawyer, and among other things, mention paying back our mom. He says it isn’t a good idea as accounts are supposed to be frozen now, my mom says no prob, she’ll just pay it. So you see, she knows how broke I am.
the biggest difference here is the middle child believing that they are NOT the favorite – but this is their assumption, not necessarily the truth.
My sister wants to take over the mortgage and buy my share from me. My mom has a share too that my dad left her, we don’t know why, they were divorced, but oh well. My sister says that she had to add $90,000 to add to the existing mortgage in order to remove the credit card debt before she can take over mortgage.
So now my sister has a 3 level home with 3 suites, and she lives in one, renters in another, and my dads suite will be rented shortly. She has a small apartment building, in which the main floor rental income pays the mortgage. How nice!
Fast forward again a couple years and I am visiting my sister, who lives in the upper suite and my mom has moved into the main floor. I am maybe moving in too. I am having fun visiting all my old friends and seeing other family, and just having a blast in my old home town. Thinking of taking a course too!
One day having a conversation with my mother and I find out that my sister did not borrow that $90,000, my mom gave it to her. GAVE HER $90,000!
Makes me pay back a measly $15,000 and gives her $90,000 to buy a small apartment building.
You fucken bitch! When she told me she was talking like she was telling a secret, like mentioning this might embarrass my sister. Are you fucking serious! I started shaking and go upstairs and call my boyfriend. I am still shaking and now crying. Oh my God, how can someone be so fucking evil? How can a mom totally ignore the struggles of one child while pampering and throwing money at another child?
You see, I am not a lazy person. I have been to college 4 times. I have started my own business. I have worked three part time jobs and two full time jobs. I have gotten into my car after a two-8-hour-shifts and burst into tears. I don’t smoke cigarettes, or smoke pot, or drink, or do drugs, or gamble. My sister smokes, smokes pots, and gambles, and lives off credit, and doesn’t look for a job. Un-fucking-believeable.
So what do you do with that? The sad/funny thing was, when I would tell my long time friends since high school and my special step-sister, they all kinda nod, and shake their head, nod some more, and admit that they are not completely surprised. I must have been living with some serious blinders on, thinking in my mind that mom is treating her like a baby, haha, when everyone else is seeing it for what it really is – she’s the favorite.
I feel like my DNA changed that day. There definitely has been a shift in my universe. I had to mentally divorce my mother, I have had to not care about her, I have had to look around the rest of my universe and see all the people that love me, and ya know, there are lots of them. Fact is, I have more loving people in my universe than my mom does.
And about my sister? I never told her that I knew. It was quiet around the house for the next few days. I stopped going places with my mom while my sister was at work (yes, after 4 years of maxing credit she got a real job). I don’t blame her for our mom’s behavior. I would have happily taken the money too.
Later on that day where my universe collapsed, I called all my children and asked them, “do you, or did you ever, think that I favored any one of you over the other?”
I told them my story, and they decided to hate Grandma, who really hasn’t been much of a grandma anyways.
They tell me No. No, I haven’t favored any of them over the other, except for maybe Mikey. The older two both said that they thought perhaps the youngest Mikey got more things bought for him, but generally No. Thank you God, that I didn’t carry on that despicable trait without knowing it. I really didn’t think I did play favorites, ever, but sometimes things can slip by you. I probably was very careful about NOT playing favorites because of that fucking douchebag.
I haven’t talked to my mom in a year, not that I talked to her that much anyways. I hope I never need to talk to her ever again. I’m done.
For the record, I don’t think Mikey gets more stuff, but I have seriously analyzed this and I think I figured it out – on this post.
Article on various ways and possible whys of favoritism.
#militantsinglemom, #singlemoms, #siblingrivalry, #parentsplayingfavorites