How to raise a child alone? It’s really easy and it’s really hard. Did that help? When I split up from my first husband, I had custody of our daughter, Kelsey. My parents helped me move to a smaller town to a little 2 bedroom home.
I think them helping me that first day helped to settle my nerves, but also, I was in a town where I knew no one. My parents that lived about 30 minutes from town, that made me feel a little scary.
But I wasn’t isolated, had neighbors that looked sane enough, and in a small town, you get to know who the bad ones are quick, thanks to gossip. I was always a scared person, maybe bordering on paranoid if my anxiety was kicking up, but I made sure every window and door was secure before I slept.
Fast forward here, and after my second divorce, I now have 3 little children (I know, stupid stupid) and I’m in the same small town, and found a duplex to rent. My now-ex is helping us move. He wants to be involved, saying he wants to know that his kids are in a decent and safe place. So that’s good.
I was very nervous that first night. Now I have 3 little kids to protect in case of danger. Did I make the right decision? Should I go back? I went to sleep that night, wondering if I would sleep. Next thing I know, it is morning. I slept like a log – this tells me I made the right decision. I will be okay after all.
From that day forward were the best years of my life, 15 years as a single mom. Woohoo!
So how to raise a child alone? It’s fairly easy, the child rearing part. It’s the other stuff that gets in the way. So lets put these in list form:
- no one to tell you are doing something wrong, re; bedtimes, discipline, because its all about you
- one kid is way easier alone than 2 or more
- household bill-wise there isn’t much of an increase
- less housework, cause spouses do not do their share – ever
- you and your kid can be buds
- cook whatever you want, I’m a vegetarian and this would cause problems with the carnivores
- sleep on the couch if you want
- watch whatever you want on TV – that’s right! that remote is all yours now
- you have complete control over the family finances
- no sex! unless you are ovulating, that could be a problem, be ingenious
- you can watch TV in bed now
- here’s a list of cheap for free stuff you can do now
- you need more space, eventually anyways, so rent or housing cost will go up
- having to work jobs when there is daycare available, I lost a high pay union job because of lack of day care
- no alone time ever, not that spouses were much help anyways
- no spousal income
- no adult conversation at home
- no sex, but maybe that’s okay, after all, that’s what got you into this
- no spouse to say, kill a bug or fix something
- wondering if you will ever find another partner
- wondering if any one is interested in a single mom
- if a prospective employer knows you are a single parent, you will have a less chance at getting the job – so don’t tell
- finding back-up day care for when the daycare won’t take a sick child
- getting child support
- paying a babysitter if you want to go out, geez they are expensive now
So you see, it won’t be that hard. It’s kinda fun just you and the kid(s). I found that men just don’t seem to add to the richness of a family. Perhaps I am picking the wrong ones, which may be obvious to everyone but me, but I did get a boyfriend. He knew I had three kids and was brave enough to ask me out. We dated for years, I refused to live with him while raising children, and luckily he wasn’t one of these men that desperately needed a woman in the house to do his cooking and cleaning and tend to nocturnal activities. It’s also amazing to find a boyfriend that puts up with my man-bashing comments like that. But truthfully, he’d be the first to agree with me.
If you have any questions about anything, please leave a message below.
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And here’s another perspective on being a single parent.